Our Differences

by Tim   Jul 12, 2013


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I've tried to experiment a little with a new style here.

I understand it's not perfect, but just wanted to try and capture the difference between the male and female attitudes towards initiating relationships.

I hope someday, I can get the time to tweak(a lot) it into a song format. Sang in the right way I think It'd work great as a piano piece.
It's a long way off, but the idea is there.

- I hope you like it.
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Girl meets Boy
Boy meets Girl
Girl likes Boy
Boy likes Girl?

- - - -

Does he feel this in the same-way?
Or is this all just another, game-play?

'Cause I can't get this feeling, out of my head,
This uncertifying feeling, it's like being dead.
Please darling just show me how you feel, inside,
Take off that silly mask, you don't need to hide.

You're all I want and I can say-that,
Am I the mouse? Do you the play-cat?

I'm a big gown up girl now, I can handle the truth,
Tell me what you're thinking, I don't need the proof.
Just dig real deep inside yourself, answers lay within,
If the answers a yes Boy, then we'll both surely win.

- - - -
- - - -

"Fine! Alright. I like you okay?
This isn't just one play by play.
Y'know? I was worried and scared,
You didn't feel the same, I feared."

"Can we stop this song and dance?
Relax and chill, no fighting stance.
You're a nice girl and I'm not a thug,
Just come over here, give me a hug!"

- - - -

Girl meets Boy
Boy meets Girl
Girl likes Boy
Boy likes Girl!

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by DarkLight

    I like your way of writing. The format is great and the poem itself is unique and beautiful..
    (correction)
    the fifth stanza, fourth line,

    "If the answers a yes Boy, then we'll both surely win."

    If the answer "is" yes boy, then we'll both surely win.
    That will make the flow smooth,
    Other than that, I'm impressed with your wording.

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Hmmm....a nice story here...
    I just found this a little something....

     Do you the play-cat? 
    * maybe if you worded a little different...like...do you play like the cat..or...do you play-cat? Or something else...or if that was intentional I shouldn't be speaking on it then :)

    Oh you play the piano nice....finished making this into a song???? :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    Aw this is sweet. I really like how you set up the stanzas and i couldnt help but smile at the story itself xD

  • 11 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    This is a cute poem, and I can see how you could turn it into a sweet&soft song. However, in my opinion, there are a few mishaps which may be due to typos but tend to throw the flow off, for me.
    Such as;
    "Am I the mouse? Do you the play-cat?"
    It just doesn't flow as soft as the poem intends, maybe something like
    "Am I the mouse, while you play cat?"
    Sometimes just rearranging the words can create the flow you're looking for!

    Another example of this would be;
    "I'm a big gown up girl now, I can handle the truth,"
    -- Big grown up girl sounds too chunky, too many words. I'm a big girl now, or I'm a grown up now or something with less clutter would flow nicer, in my opinion that is. :)

    Over all it has potential, I'd say sit down and read it out loud a few times, maybe even sing it to try find the flow you're looking for and try to keep it somewhat consistent (: Good work.

  • 11 years ago

    by ThebutterfliesMuse

    This is really unique for sure Tim.

    First half- I like the way you started out with this. Girl likes boy. I like how you question the boy liking the girl.its very difficult to share our feeling to the ones we like. Yhe first two lines of the girl are amazing. You do have to question it because guys do play games and you never truly know if they like uou the same way. your words say perfectly there is never any need to hide. Its hard to share never knowing whats inside. Your cat and mouse metaphor os a great one. The guy is the cat and mouse is the girls heart!. The last stanza of the girl is cute. Without really telling him shes wants him to say yes!.

    Second part- I like how you made the guy answer instead of just talking to her. The dialogue really brings out the poem I think. And you made it seem like a guy answer as in hes mad for its a calming mad... all guys know what I mean haha. We are always worried that they will say no so I love the answer. I love the hug line as in everything is ok. I loved everything about this poem. The metaphors and the rhyming. The point of views were just great as they show one for each. The wording was great for each side!. Excellent 5