Comments : Illusion

  • 11 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I know I promised a comment on this piece, but i am honestly speechless, I've read it like ten times and i really dont know what to say. This is amazing and the style is great, i feel in love with the voice here and the imagery/descriptions are so perfect. Whoa this piece is amazing, like perfectly amazing.

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    I really like how you didn't have a specific rhyme scheme (or so it seemed), and you let the rhymes flow together, it felt a bit more natural than a typical "rhymer" poem.. so that was definitely intriguing and helped the flow of this poem a lot.

    I feel like it needs some punctuation. I read it a few times in a few different ways, and this poem is very deep and "heady" to me...with the lack of punctuation I feel it's read too quickly, though that could be your intention, I'm not sure.

    I have to say the part that struck me the most was "where hands do not always come as clean
    as Pontius Pilate"

    So true, how he washed his hands and was clean of it, as if it were really that simple. Of course the washing of the hands is a symbolic version of "this is on you, not me", but I really liked how that was put in here.

    The message itself is very personal and very strong, something I feel you really excel at. This is a really thoughtful and thought provoking piece. Like I said before, my only suggestion would be to include some punctuation to help slow it down and add a bit more intensity to the natural reading. :)