Afar

by Saerelune   Jul 15, 2013


Beneath an archipelago of clouds, I find myself
thumb wrestling with words, placing dreams
between brackets whilst my name longs
to hang like leafless lychees from trees;
like pink, precious bokeh lights from skies
if I just watch, long enough,
with half-slanted eyes, my mind
could writhe and trip over a honeymoon
that's rich with restless rhapsody,
for centuries; plucking poems
of ambrosia with graceful
fingertips, as the sun
turns its back
against me.

6-7-2013
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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Karla

    Lovely imagetic piece!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Your word choice is significant and crafty here! I feel like whenever I read your poetry, you choose words carefully because you know the impact they can have, that there is no room for carelessly throwing them around if they don't have a purpose.

    I love the play on words, well I mean how you made these images come alive, made such odd but intriguing combinations like "thumb wrestling with words"- I really don't think I could forget that line, it just stuck with me! I love the idea of having a battle or game with words, maybe struggling against yourself since these words are coming from within.

    Then the "placing dreams between brackets" made me think you are letting your dreams be stagnant at this point of life, or you are wanting to have more leadership within your life but right now, you're not at the position where it's so.

    Had an outdoorsy feel with the "leafless", "trees", "bokeh lights"... such lovely imagery that was anything but commonplace! Also, I like the idea, how you appealed to the senses and put your character in it, this line of "plucking poems of ambrosia" almost like you are questioning if these words will have the gift of maybe, immortality? Or if you'll grow tired, not have that grace. Just was thinking of mythology.

    That last image of the sun turning its back to you...hmm, that got me thinking either it is the end of day and you have been pondering over your purpose here, or that it stands for others not noticing your presence. Some parts were very indirect and I feel like you had a lot of thought in this, in between the lines, we may never know. Beautiful metaphors though with a bit of mystique.

    Congratulations on the win!!! So happy this made front page and should have come across this sooner :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    What is with you all and the alliteration lately? I'm loving the playfullness in everyones poetry as of late, it looks like we're all trying new things :)

    "my mind
    could writhe and trip over a honeymoon"

    OH MY. I really, really adored this part. I felt overall this poem had a much different feel than your others. It was a bit... reserved? Maybe it was all the metaphors, it felt very personal and not as stripped down as you have been writing.

    Either way, I really love it and think you did an amazing job with the prompt!

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