Flea on the Curtains

Heated desperation caused me
to visualize a dark, stranded
tear, flowing in the same spiral reflection
as a flea danced on the curtains.

- such an original opening, no cliché wording or images which makes this such an interesting poem to keep on reading. The title was clever as it makes the mind curious as to where you would go with this idea. The imagery here of that tear stands out so much in the readers mind and I begin to imagine that this one tear holds all the pain from your heart and becomes so heavy.

Getting bitten five times over,
my mind rattles in rhymes
of how to eliminate the pests,
and darkness of the past.

- I think you done great to link the pest with the past, the burdens we have there and how we never feel like they will leave us. We feel trapped and overpowered by them and hopelessly give up on a way out. But I do like the way you show here that you are willing to fight them and find a way to move on, to get rid of those fleas. The tone is frustrated like you feel they are with you forever but you know deep down there is a way to beat them. This shows hope and determination.

Pests, past, future for a brighter
tomorrow, comes a bit closer,
when a smile greets me at the
end of the day, while we mourn
in laughter of the curtains flowing
flea free, bites fade in skin of
fresh rebirth,
and sunshine drowns our sorrows
with another day together as one....

- tone is very much uplifted in this last part, taking that little bit of hope int hat second stanza and extending it into this hopeful ending of what you will make happen. You will not give up and you how us the picture in your head you have of moving on and becoming free of all the fleas of your past. Very clever poem and I find it very interesting how something so simple can be turned into such power, this is the art of poetry and shows how talented you are with your creativity.

Nice to see some new work from you. xx

Andrea, I loved your theme of rebirth here! From the start, I could feel that tension and stress... I like the sad image of imagining that one single tear. That seems very thoughtful as well as wondering if there will be others to come. It was different and more abstract, in my mind, when you brought in the picture of the flea on the curtain! So neat how you tied that in to the ending though, realizing you can let go of your past and there won't be any visible signs of it as you move ahead (like the bite marks of the fleas).

Very creative, I liked the sunshine vs. darkness and the pests vs. past parts... you brought out hope in the end that at least for that when day came, your sorrows are gone and you can almost think more clearly now. No longer "my mind rattles in rhymes".

"while me mourn
in laughter"

- was "me" supposed to be "I" or "we"?

Really neat poem, you brought a lot to the reader with those few, simple images and lines!