Unborn daughter

by Yakari Gabriel   Jul 19, 2013


I'm going to have a daughter one day,
she's going to be dark, with big hair. she'll have my lips and my dimples,
I know.

..and she'll turn 15 one day, and she'll be broken and confused, and her chest will swell, and her lady parts will bleed, and she might not understand it.

and she'll ask me : "mama, how were your teen years, how did you do this"

I promise to be shameless and unafraid, I promise to give her my whole truth. I'll tell her that I spent all
teen years hating myself deeply.
that I named all my stretch marks after all the family members I didn't like, I couldn't accept it.

I'll tell her the truth, that I loved both boys and girl and when I was about to step out of those years I didn't even know if I liked humans anymore.

that I hated everything, and everyone
that I spent long nights in the couch of solitude and didn't let anyone undress me or make love to me with the lights on

that I was terrified, and ashamed, and sinful. That my body ached and smelled like something that didn't belong anywhere.

that I just day dreamed about loving myself but it never did happen.

I'll also say that I had secrets.
tons of them, that I was hateful and judgmental towards my own mother
that I resented her beyond words..

I'll tell her the truth, that I was the rotten apple, that I fell so far from the tree I still wonder where my true tree is.

I'll tell her that I was horrible, and mean and no one fell in
love with me, but I survived it all.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    And when she comes you will change in that split second when you see her tiny face- and your whole life will suddenly all make sense-
    your world will start and end there in her eyes, your life will never be the same.

    You may even see your own mother in a brand new light Yaki. Just be a better one than she was. Most importantly remember that there are no re-dos in parenting.

    I loved your poem kid.

    Oh, just a heads up:
    Never tell Everything! You'll be a great mom cos you've been there and done that!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Gosh Yaki! This almost brought me to tears! I really don't know how to comment other than you have such a huge heart, full of passion. What touched me the most is that you will be honest with your daughter, that you won't try to run from your past or how you used to think, but that you will be, as you said "shameless". Do you know that takes such courage?

    During a woman's growth, development, finding out how to love and be loved, there will be rough times but you really encourage your future daughter with those last lines. You are a survivor. That is all that matters. It may happen one day where you fall again into the hands of self-hatred, I feel like we all have at some point, but you know you can come back up from the ground, from the unknown and bitterness and anger at people, life, anything. You are strong Yaki and are an incredible sign of strength I believe. This is a beautiful, pure piece in admitting and being humble enough to talk about sin and the dark things that surrounded our thoughts in growing up.....I know sin can get the best of us, but it can never define us. You are loved, even if no one tells you it. We all may question that at times but never feel like you were the worst kind of daughter for the way you felt. And someone will love you, for the person you are now, not the person you used to be. Will love you through everything, through the rage and screwed up times.

    Such an emotional write! I just can't even.....
    Beautiful times a million <3

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