Comments : Star Of Hope

  • 11 years ago

    by DarkLight

    This is so beautiful am in love with this piece of art

  • 11 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Yes this is a visually stimulating piece of Art that held my attention from line 1 to finish. It is a power packed little morsel.

    "Camouflaged deeply in the midnight sky
    between galaxies of the past; I became
    lost inside myself; a stranger to my
    *(OWN?) reflection."

    *suggestion only. :) And I think a break here maybe too with a new Stanza here:

    I Let(ting) the world take control
    by spinning me around, making me lose grip
    of the place which I'm scarcely hanging onto.

    Good luck in the contest!
    Lostlove~

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    "But I have the strength of a thousand stars"

    I really love this idea and think it's very strong!

    I like how you took the prompts and made it into this creative little galaxy -- stars are a great metaphor and you used it really well here (I know it wasn't the prompt but the main focus lol).

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    Camouflaged deeply in the midnight sky
    ^^^

    My tongue seemed to halt at the word deeply here and wondered if deep may sound better for you...it just ran a little smoother to my ear when I replaced it.

    The beginning of this poem has a certain tranquil and dream like feel to it...hypnotic I think is what I mean and...when you had me lulled into this quiet state of mind you jolted me upright again in the second half of the verse...

    I will claim my sparkle back
    and shine even brighter than the star
    I used to be.

    I will no longer be camouflaged in shame
    when I shine out of the dark,
    dancing in the sky as I show the world
    what they never believed I could be.

    ^^^^

    You seem to be claiming your independence back here...like you don't need to prove anything to anyone...you already know you own it...:)

    Nice write....enjoyed it!

  • 11 years ago

    by Wild Flower

    Really great piece Saffie!!
    The strength that your words have makes the poem stand out.
    I so love this, hope it makes iit the front page :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Edward Oropeza

    Wow, such a lovely piece, you put those three phrase into play, and they flow smoothly as part of the story in itself not just by forcing them into use,
    "But I have the strength of a thousand stars and
    I will not be defeated as I head towards the moon.
    I may have been lost in the darkness once
    but shades of pale will begin to rise again,
    high above the skies.
    -in this stanza I could figure out the metaphor of rising and falling and the courage of your inner strength, again the two verses are enigmatically correlated in itself.

    I will no longer be camouflaged in shame
    when I shine out of the dark,
    dancing in the sky as I show the world
    what they never believed I could be.
    - this stanza is powerful enough to lift up an inspiring word, all of the three verses you play them together as inspiring.
    well done to the challenge. Keep up such inspiring piece! 5/5