Penumbra.

by Poet on the Piano   Jul 25, 2013


The stigma of your eyes
unnerves me as I fumble
with the tallest button
on my aureolin rain jacket-
I always dreamed you would
be present to hear one more
secret, consoling me in the
earliest of that arctic morn'.

But there are no light
footsteps I can take, only
labored ones.
(We once were free-spirited,
sprinting through raindrops
without so much as a
look behind).

I keep trudging across the
sidewalks of New York;
whitewashed voices,
machines making the only
noise for my heart doesn't
know home here.

Eternity lies...
There is no killer instinct,
no impulse to search for
your signs under every
stoplight.

(You have concealed me)

-
Written 7/25/13 @ 3:06 PM

Baby Rainbow's random prompts:

The stigma of your eyes
side walks of New York
Eternity lies
One more secret
killer instinct.

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  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    The stigma of your eyes
    unnerves me as I fumble
    with the tallest button
    on my yellow rain jacket-
    I always dreamed you would
    be present to hear one more
    secret, consoling me in the
    earliest of that arctic morn'.

    - I tell you, that opening line has some great power. I am glad you opened the poem with that because the wording just hits you with such an impact that to see it on the first line opens the poem with a bang. Good choice.
    I like when poems open up in a mystery - starting off about a slight hint of a relationship but yet we do not know what kind until we read on. Nicely worded and the flow was fast and smooth.

    But there are no light
    footsteps I can take, only
    labored ones.
    (We once were free-spirited,
    sprinting through raindrops
    without so much as a
    look behind).

    - I felt a touch of sadness here, like regret and looking back at what had been and perhaps what could have been also. I like the scene I imagined here of running in the rain, quite free and happy, contented with each other.

    I keep trudging across the
    sidewalks of New York;
    whitewashed voices,
    machines making the only
    noise for my heart doesn't
    know home here.

    - aww, I love this little stanza, you created the streets of New York so well, I could feel myself in the scene and hearing what you describe. Then I could also feel empathy with this person for her longing and her loss. She seems to be just so lost and alone. Like she feels abandoned.

    Eternity lies...
    There is no killer instinct,
    no impulse to search for
    your signs under every
    stoplight.

    - Nice place to enter this prompt of eternity lies, to show that she is so low down, so deep in pain that she believes in nothing anymore, not fate, not hope and probably not even love.

    (You have concealed me)

    - love the way this is done in brackets - it always attracts me and stands out - I do think this ends the poem with the same power of that opening line, to be defeated and trapped by the situation you are in.

    Excellently put together, well done for using all your prompts!

    xx

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Another one of yours where we feel we are right there beside you, experiencing everything you do.

    I can see you fumbling the buttons, I feel like I am standing in NY as I read, and I love the term whitewashed voices.
    Makes me think that either you are not really hearing what they are saying. Or that they are not really saying what they are truly thinking.

    Nice ending as well.

    Great job at using the prompts

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    I'm a little sad I didn't get sidewalks of NY! Lol

    "But there are no light
    footsteps I can take, only
    labored ones."

    I love this! I read this part over and over... seriously adore it.

    I also like your title. I swear you make me learn so many new words lol

    I just noticed, you either listed the prompts as you wrote them, or you wrote the poem as the prompts were listed! That was neat, lol

    You're always so descriptive, I feel like I'm right in the moment/thought with you. This is really beautiful!