Complete woman

When I was 14, I knew nothing about life except that I did not want it.
with 15 I described love as something non-existent and by 16 I was convinced that every bad thing that ever happened to me was someone else's fault.

I've always heard people mumble that women always end up marrying men that remind them of their fathers and I sat in a corner and asked myself if that ever meant that I'd marry absence

..always questioning my name,
why was it so difficult to pronounce
why did it struggle to make a gentle slide in people's mouth. why it never sounded lovely like "sophia" or "veronica" but ...
everything in my life
was complicated, it was "yakari" weight heavy like an arranged marriage.
and sadness was someone I had a deep friendship with

I wanted to have another name
I wanted to be another woman,
I wanted to be skinnier, prettier,
perfect.

my broken heart belonged to my mother,
I inherited it from her like a house-
I was someone who did not believe
in salvation, I was someone who went to bed every night without praying or apologizing, without telling God
"sorry that I was cruel today, I'll try better tomorrow"

I did not believe in being kind to people, simply because life was never kind to me.

but I woke up one day, and I wanted to change my karma. I thought "well, if life itself is already cruel why should I imitate her?" see, I woke up one day with this immense desire to change the world but I had to start with myself

That's why I stood in front of a mirror,
stripped of my arrogance and saw all my faults and defects like landscapes
facing me, and I had to learn to love
the reflection that was looking back at me.

I understood that if four languages I could dominate, in four languages poetry I could create, with four times more people than the average I could communicate.

nowadays I carry my faults like the weapons that taught me how to be a complete woman, nowadays everything that escapes my mouth sounds like a poem, and I'm not cruel anymore.

I woke up one day and became my own hero, I did what I had to do..
and if I broke free from all that darkness, you certainly can do it too.

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This poem is the translation of a poem written originally in papiamento
This poem was written for a competition called "gang di arte" which translates to gang of art. Which is a summer competition for the youth funded by the government. The theme this year was "heroes" and the kids all made paintings, poetry, dances, theatre and everything revolving this theme and illustrating what a hero means to you. it was all type of arts competing against each other

My performance kicked off with me wearing a really cocky outfit, with my hair up, bright red lips, doing a little rap that started with "don't be fooled honey, I'm just here to give these kids a run for their money"
and after the rap, I stood in front of table and started to take pieces of my outfit off and stripped it to just a plain black dress, loosen my hair and let it be curly and wild in all its glory, applied make up on, and perfume all of this to "man in the mirror" by micheal jackson as a background song, then the song slowly fades and I walk slowly to the spot light again and become vulnerable and recite this poem with a lot of anger and honesty.
till the spot light dims completely.

It came in 3rd place out of the
19 amazing groups, of amazing talented kids. I can't complain it was a very memorable moment in my life
and I'll never forget reciting "complete woman" infront of almost 600 people.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/a78681653d28b65604b57b704e036271/tumblr_mqp0x0NUYS1rqnbfzo1_250.jpg