My Explanation for My Reserved Heart

Forgive my previous reserved acts,
They were not intentional I assure you
But, opening the darkest part of myself to you lacks
My immediate agreement to do so.

I was never this uneasy and unsure about
Showing my all to someone, no. The fear developed
Recently; it ate away at the trust I held and made me doubt
The care and love people seemed to ooze regularly.

My reserved heart and small buds of trust came to be
After I opened up and dove into an abyss
Dug by a lover who asked so much so soon; yet I stayed quietly
And thought it best to agree to marriage and a future and other such things.

This happened twice, more or less one after the other,
I began to question what was wrong with me and why they had left,
I was emotionally battered and bruised, both complimenting each other;
Leaving me alone and scared as well as scarred and upset.

A part of me dispersed with their frigid sneer and depart
The part willing to take a chance, to have nothing hidden.
When it all crumbled and I left mutely, that is when my heart
Cloaked its self in ice and numbness.

As I walked away from them, as I do still, I walked to you
Hesitant to show you who I am and who I want to be
Rather than this absurd version of a girl not true
To herself; but there is something in your eyes that encourages me.

My sighs echo throughout the tomb that is my mind
As I search deep inside myself, urgently looking for the girl I was
Hoping you could love her as you have begun to fall for this me
And as you stand beside me, I begin to slowly trust.

I have been hurt beyond what I thought a person could handle,
My soul shattered and frozen; I was so afraid of getting involved
With one person so deeply as I had before that I channeled
My everything into a small cave inside my being.

My explanation for my reserved heart
Is now finished, I murmur now
A promise to let you in
And to show you the girl that you are really falling in love with.