Really enjoyed this. It kept me thinking and I really liked the lines "I dont want you to stop for me, or let me survive".
Was hoping you would be able to check out a couple of my newer pieces and let me know what you think. I would love to get a piece nominated for the contests.
11 years ago
by BlueJay
I love the way you did this piece and its prompts. Very nice job:)
I refuse you again, engulfing myself
in dangerous waters void of ocean life-
so I let these veins flow free as
nothing but horror bites.
^^ Gripping start with amazing descriptions. I love the way you start with a clear direction and a fantastic word choice. I especially like the last line.
My haunted shadow is cinereous,
a lonely ghost who has swallowed
arsenic but could never
get rid of
things I'll never say.
^^ nice use of lonely ghost, though i never saw arsenic coming, that was interesting and well done.
I lean in and away from you.
I will do what I must to try, try,
try,
and I know you are all
around me yet
I don't want you to stop
for me, or let me survive
like an antiseptic bleaching
the charcoal smudges
^^ wow, this stanza is my favorite because of all the stunning descriptions and the way it moves the piece along wonderfully.
my soul savors.
^^ Beautiful way to conclude the piece with so few words. Really makes an impact.
I love the style you used here, it makes the piece flow well and gets the story across. Your word choice is phenomenal and I really enjoy the tone and voice in this piece.