Comments : Detached.

  • 11 years ago

    by Love Fallacy

    Really enjoyed this. It kept me thinking and I really liked the lines "I dont want you to stop for me, or let me survive".

    Was hoping you would be able to check out a couple of my newer pieces and let me know what you think. I would love to get a piece nominated for the contests.

  • 11 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I love the way you did this piece and its prompts. Very nice job:)

    I refuse you again, engulfing myself
    in dangerous waters void of ocean life-
    so I let these veins flow free as
    nothing but horror bites.

    ^^ Gripping start with amazing descriptions. I love the way you start with a clear direction and a fantastic word choice. I especially like the last line.

    My haunted shadow is cinereous,
    a lonely ghost who has swallowed
    arsenic but could never
    get rid of
    things I'll never say.

    ^^ nice use of lonely ghost, though i never saw arsenic coming, that was interesting and well done.

    I lean in and away from you.
    I will do what I must to try, try,
    try,
    and I know you are all
    around me yet
    I don't want you to stop
    for me, or let me survive
    like an antiseptic bleaching
    the charcoal smudges

    ^^ wow, this stanza is my favorite because of all the stunning descriptions and the way it moves the piece along wonderfully.

    my soul savors.

    ^^ Beautiful way to conclude the piece with so few words. Really makes an impact.

    I love the style you used here, it makes the piece flow well and gets the story across. Your word choice is phenomenal and I really enjoy the tone and voice in this piece.

    Excellent write.