Life's long path

by UtterlyAlive   Aug 7, 2013


I watched as you walked life's long path
Each step with caution and contemplation
Never stumbling, or falling to the ground
But one day your foot missed its destination

You tripped, and tumbled into darkness
And after that you were never as steady
You seemed to have lost all motivation
You wanted to continue, but you weren't ready

You tried to get up, but every time you fell down
So you turned to what made you strong
If you had been able to see through my eyes
You could see where you were going wrong

The darkness continued to pull you under
Every day and every night
Eventually it pulled you down so far
That it made you too weak to fight

A wall was put between us
Keeping me from you
I knew that you could see me
Yet my words could never break through

As you continued down the path
You took wrong turns and had to double back
You were confused and frustrated
For intelligence was never something you had lacked

Your days were bad and your nights even worse
And your weakness only got stronger
But soon you reached the end of your path
And your troubles worried you no longer

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Wow, first off I want to say I am so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine the pain of having to watch someone you love go through that. I have an older brother and could not picture not having him here, it definitely worries me once he goes out into the world, we want the best for our family.

    You wrote simply but I could tell the depth beneath these lines.. and I'm sure you made it relatable for others. Sometimes those few lines about life can speak the strongest about struggles we all have, that may be hidden, that take us on our journey.

    Nice job with the rhymes as well! I'm not too good with them but you kept it consistent, they felt natural and nothing was too forced or wordy in my opinion.

    I can't say what was my favorite part because each stanza held a lot of emotion and battles between that lightness and darkness you mention, the day and night, and also what his destination was. I liked how you used the words "tumbled" and "tripped" because it showed he wasn't meant for this and he took a wrong turn, one you wish he could have gotten back up from.... it has this absolute sadness to it, that we all fall into ruts and sometimes the strongest of us can fall down but that doesn't mean we were the weakest.

    Hope you are doing okay and prayers and thoughts for you and your family. This was beautiful to write about him and use poetry as an outlet to express his journey and you watching him, wanting to show him another way. Take care.

  • 11 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    Very nice rhymes. Good imagery. In all honestly, a flawless piece.

    • 11 years ago

      by UtterlyAlive

      Thank you so much, it's actually about my brother and his struggle with depression and drugs.

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