Very nice rhymes. Good imagery. In all honestly, a flawless piece.

Wow, first off I want to say I am so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine the pain of having to watch someone you love go through that. I have an older brother and could not picture not having him here, it definitely worries me once he goes out into the world, we want the best for our family.

You wrote simply but I could tell the depth beneath these lines.. and I'm sure you made it relatable for others. Sometimes those few lines about life can speak the strongest about struggles we all have, that may be hidden, that take us on our journey.

Nice job with the rhymes as well! I'm not too good with them but you kept it consistent, they felt natural and nothing was too forced or wordy in my opinion.

I can't say what was my favorite part because each stanza held a lot of emotion and battles between that lightness and darkness you mention, the day and night, and also what his destination was. I liked how you used the words "tumbled" and "tripped" because it showed he wasn't meant for this and he took a wrong turn, one you wish he could have gotten back up from.... it has this absolute sadness to it, that we all fall into ruts and sometimes the strongest of us can fall down but that doesn't mean we were the weakest.

Hope you are doing okay and prayers and thoughts for you and your family. This was beautiful to write about him and use poetry as an outlet to express his journey and you watching him, wanting to show him another way. Take care.