Comments : The girl who beat death

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This was beautifully written and tells that sad tale of a girl being victimized by this man who keeps tormenting her, up until the point where she wants relief. You had a very clear voice in this.

    I like how in the ending lines you mention the "rematch"... it makes me wonder if this person is Death itself personified, the Devil, or an actual person in your life who has discouraged you. I also noticed you honestly say this is a "game that I will play/ a game that I will lose" but that you are reflecting on right now... not thinking if this will come up again but dealing with it in the present which takes determination.

    I also like how you focused more on the emotion and expressing the strength of this girl (you) than having all of this punctuation. It wasn't confusing without it and still flowed alright, especially since every line could speak on it's own and make sense to the reader.

    Keep writing!