Comments : A man with words

  • 11 years ago

    by TSI25

    I've loved a man like you before,
    He said that I'm the world's most beautiful woman,
    Because of him I kept onto my innocence
    That somehow misled to someone else door.

    ^^^ you mean "someone else's" door? i also recommend omitting "onto" in the above line unless you think its necessary to keep it - the added syllables hurt the flow.

    And this man who I truly loved.
    Made me the world's most foolish woman,
    I would believe every word he say to me
    He said he loved me most for my stupidity.

    ^^^ i like the message here - girls, being stupid is only a turn on for a$$holes. your repetition of "woman" here is interesting but not enough to stand on its own, i find myself hoping the repetition is continued for the sake of strength

    Naive was I to believe him,
    His smiles, his eyes, his words never dim,
    His touch, his caress, his whimsical scent,
    Imparted chills I couldn't resent.

    ^^^i think there are greek stories that contain roughly this message, old allegorical tales of being cautious with lovers and whatnot, an old but good message to convey.

    My expectations aren't as high as to compare
    It's good like what I've thought before the space
    But when one day he said the same words there
    He led her in his embrace

    ^^^ compare to what? him to other suitors? you to other women? the imminent feeling of betrayal there is sort of expected from men who dont respect women, you know, the kind who value stupidity as a desirable trait.

    I've loved a man like him before
    He said He's the happiest man on earth,
    His happiness didn't belonged to me,
    If it did, why would I be hurt?

    ^^^ a good question, perhaps the best question youve asked so far. well done.

    • 11 years ago

      by Gwen

      I originally had "someone else's door" but I had it spell checked and it got corrected as "someone else" instead of else's. I think the "onto" part kinda puts a bit more drama in reading it, if I did change it to "Because of him I kept my innocence" or "Because of him I kept on my innocence" just doesn't sound right to my tongue. And thank you for ur time reading ^^