Comments : The Ones

  • 11 years ago

    by TSI25

    Somewhat more religious than i like but thats fine. the repetition was generally pretty powerful and i think you used it to good effect. the rhyme scheme in various parts, especially the beginning and the end really helped to improve the flow of the piece as a whole. the message i took away was "respect the dead," i hope thats close to what you were going for.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jim

    It's a good effort !

  • 11 years ago

    by Black pearl

    Wow, dude, this is a great tribute.
    You write so well.
    Don't know about others but I loved it.
    Simplicity, flow, emotions, rhyme..perfect.
    The best part is the use of 'used to' and ' would' to describe the past actions.you didn't make it boring by using just one of them.

  • 11 years ago

    by Beautiful Tragedy

    Aww... I love the ryme in this, and the emotion that's it in is great. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    Great piece. I love the rhymes, I love the rhythm. I love everything about it.

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    This poem was another one with great rhymes, it doesn't intoxicate me with its sounds, but rather I find it peaceful and somehow cheerful. And that's what confuses me a little bit as I see this poem is in Sad category. I mean it is sad to lose someone and miss them but I feel the life section would be more fitting. As for me, this poem tells me that we have to move on. I know we will always miss our dears ones but we also in order to move on, need to let them go. And that toast in the ending is for them and for memories. I mean saying farewell.. won't exactly be a good bye, hopefully we will meet them aside the pearly gates some ( again, hopefully ) far away day.

    I really like it.

    Specially, the ending.