Contradictions

I am so tired of this worry,
that your words are not true,
you tell me one thing, but-
that's not what you do.

They say love is blind,
I am questioning my sight,
yet I dare not ask you,
for I wish not to fight.

You have no idea how hard-
I try to believe in you,
To trust in your words,
to see past and through.

Experience tells me don't,
for I will hurt in the end,
but you get so upset,
can you really pretend?

I look into your eyes,
searching for the truth,
I still cannot decide,
whether it's my youth.

Am I really that absurd?
Is it all in my head?
I will never truly know,
not even if we were wed.