August 2013

My head is racing all the time
my body wont relax
if I start to cry
I don't think I would stop
if I stop I think I'd fall
and there won't be any getting back up

I've had pain before
but never like this
I've had bad thoughts
but never this sad
i need to face reality
I found my mum hanging
she is dead
and there is no coming back from that

I seen her decompose
right in front of my eyes
I stroked her cold
bruised, hard head
I sat there
playing with her hair
thinking this can't be it
it just can't
I didn't know what to say
I sat there in silence
we were never short of words
but at the last moment
I was...

I couldn't leave you there
it was like a magnet
drawing me back
to that dingy room
I said goodbye
maybe five, six
or even seven times
it was so hard
to walk away
leave you there
all cold and alone.