You woke up to my words and I slept to yours,
and all we ever shared together dwindled somewhere
far more magical than dreams; far off and tragical
on digital seams that which we thought could handle
with care and attach them like two ends of a necklace.
- love the opening line, I think it shows the bond between the two people, they help you fall asleep with their soothing calming voice, and you wake them up with yours. It shows that the relationship was deep and strong. I also really liked the use of the necklace here to show the attaching of two ends, that was a brilliant idea.
So that's what I did.
Emotionally manipulated you into thinking
that we were forged from the same iron,
until all you could magnetize was
me
me
me.
- I like how you took this idea further, and then went on to detail the reader with more info. I get a sense of betrayal here, like the manipulation was a plan and a pretend face to get what you wanted.
I needed someone to make me feel beautiful and expensive.
- I think this line works really powerfully on its own. It shows the deepest part of our insecurity sometimes and what we think/feel that we need in order to feel better.
It's been a year since my prediction of you
falling for me, or maybe vice versa, and today
I'm claiming the trophy of which I'm not sure
whether it's the first, the second, or the last.
- I like the idea of the trophy here, it fits in well with the story and I also like how you cannot determine which place it is, and the confusion here stands out really well.
I'll blame myself for not knowing the difference
between loneliness and love,
but that doesn't stop me from being disappointed
at your tactlessness, the way you confessed to me
with three days of planning versus my
threehundredsixtyfive days of saving you
in spite of the same amount of nights I spent
wondering how you could become the sacrifice
to keep my nemesis in favour.
- there is so much in this little verse. The year counted as days is powerful and the way you laid the wording out, also how you give him they days but you take the nights from the year also. I adore the difference between loneliness and love here, I think this relates to when people feel so lonely they find any love to comfort them, even when they know it is not really love.
All you've left me is a well-deserved amount
of guilt, and sadness, and a poem
without ending, fame
or name,
and I can't even utter a word
to do either of us justice
anymore.
- I think I like this ending because for me, it shows the responsibility of your part in the story, I see 2 people who thought they could love each other but perhaps they never did, they just were both lonely. But I get a deeper feeling that one of the people soon believed in the love but the other person didn't. And this is wher the hurt and confusin comes in.
Really deep poem, honest and raw with emotions.
I connected to this and felt some strong relation to it.
Well done. As for a title, I like what you done by calling it unnamed, and then mentioning int he poem that they left you with a poem unnamed. Well done.