I'll keep blinding myself.

by Poet on the Piano   Sep 3, 2013


I've made these problems for myself, haven't I?
Sometimes I think those who smoke are beautiful,
a tragedy as each breath is taken away
and melting into ashes
no one would ever touch or pick up.

If real happiness is everlasting than the
days I feel sort of happy are just glimpses
of the body I keep wanting to decay,
crawling back, asking what's a reason for
this and why bother trying?

I see myself as someone I can try to be
but in the end it's all in my vain attempt
to be washed away, turned into vapor,
so I can not matter anymore.

Bags under my eyes each day,
always a mess but it's what I choose
as I act like the named daughter I am,
but think to myself this is not the
real me, yet I can't be myself
even when the world shouts it,
bleeds it.

And maybe my mind is staying up
'til the early hours of morn not to stay alive,
but to plan out ways for me to no longer
exist...

-
Written 8/2/13 @ 11:44 pm

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Abed

    "I see myself as someone I can try to be
    but in the end it's all in my vain attempt
    to be washed away, turned into vapor,
    so I can not matter anymore."

    ^ This is heart-wrenching! I love how you structured this state of mind into poetry.

  • 11 years ago

    by Redangelwings

    I love the deeper message of this poem. It really is such a tragedy how people don't realize they are killingthemselves everyday. When we are not used to bbeing happy its just hard when we are. So I understand what you mean in the second stanza. Depression takes us over and then boom happy is gone just like that.

    We feel judged by other people in an attempt to be our *real* selfs but sometimes it does feel hopeless. We want others to love us but all the walls around our hearts build up and then boom we masquarade again. In that it feels like we don't matter any more at all.

    Bags under the eyes I love that line. In my thinking it means you have not slept and you are wrestling with your heart and thoughts. It really does feel like a mess at times but in the end it is what you chose. I think you can always be yourself no matter what people perceive of you. All you have to do is be yourself and the real people will care.

    The ending is very twisted and I loved it. Night always has that sad feel to it. You did a great job interpreting what a depressed mind feels like when they are alone ( if that's what you were going for). We all have those negative thoughts at night. And its sad but true. When we have been hurt we all think of ways not to exist anymore. We all have that one bad day but it shouldn'tbecome a bad totomorrow or week. Stay strong. 5/5 nominated

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