Sentiment to life

by Robert   Sep 4, 2013


Recorded, and played over and over
An endless replay of the burden's we shoulder,
but also the happy times where we would run under the sun
With our eye's so pure, and a smile that said life's fun

Laughter, sadness, but also hatred and fright
Took the better of us as we held on tight
We may lose our way, or lose track of the line,
but with the help of other's we do just fine

Whether it be now, or whether it be later
I hope to reach the sky's, and feel so much greater
Than the star's that shine, or the vast blue ocean's
Sink or swim I will live every moment

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    An inspirational read about life and its challenges which we face daily. I also like the rhyme scheme you have used giving this read a smoothness..well done!

  • 11 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    Wonderful writing about life! and how we deal with it. Very inspirational poem there Robert :) Loved it a lot!

    Keep 'em coming :))

    ~ Olwin

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    --I like how you used the rhyme scheme of aabb through all the stanzas, but on the last one... I am not sure if ocean rhymes with moment? however, I feel that line ties the poem together.

    Specially because the whole poem mentions the good and bad things that can happen in life, and with that line it tells me that every moment counts.

    On a small critique to this line:

    We may lose our way, or lose track of the line

    ^ "or lose track of the line"... that part at least the way it's written sounds to me like it was just use for the sake of the rhyme. Because after reading it I am left thinking which line? Though I do have an idea.

    and on this other line:

    " But with the help of other's ..."

    ^^ I think the apostrophe is not needed.

    Other than that, I like the poem, it tells but it also shows.

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