I wish I knew what a homeland felt like, I wish there was a flag that made my heart swell with pride but it isn't like that.
"Santo Domingo", I say in a low tone, when they ask me where I'm from.
but santo domingo is something I don't know, its something that doesn't know me.
I struggle to belong, I struggle to fit in and no one understands...
when I was 4 they brought me to Aruba, a tiny kid reaching out to me, wanted me to carry it like it could do no harm.
to then punch me with 3 other languages in the throat, and made me understand in several ways that latinos aren't really welcomed here.
No one understands where I come from. I hide so much behind english because its the language most strangers that come visit here use cause that's what I am. A stranger.
A stranger in not one but two countries.
my heart is ripped apart,
I don't know what a home is.
I don't know what home feels like..
I walk around loving the wrong people, my mind a planet no scientific dares to study.
and at night, at night I stay awake
not because I can't sleep, but because even sleep turns it back on me
and whispers .."you cant close your eyes, you have a home to find"..
