Hidden Binds

Each time I see it,
I can't help but wonder,
How long I will continue,
To hold this deep under.

I fear it may slip out,
Resulting in a fight again,
I try to overcome this;
My distrust of all men.

But every time I check,
Seeing her name once more,
My heart breaks further,
Making way to the core.

Flooded by painful thoughts,
I am asking, why her?
You have moved on in life,
but your heart seems unsure.

She was your longest love,
So much time you spent,
Things changed in your life,
And with that, your love went.

Though it didn't work,
Your heart still questions,
Or at least I feel it,
But dare not mention.

You would give blame to me,
Saying that I am insecure,
Although I certainly am,
It can't be me, of this I'm sure.

You won't ever admit to me,
That you still think of her,
My life is filled with ruin,
Everything has become obscure.

I push onward regardless,
hoping it's just a phase,
All the while trapped here,
In this awful mental maze.

I pray I am wrong;
you look because your curious,
But am I lying to myself,
Slowly becoming delirious?

WRITTEN ON SEPTEMBER 1, 2013.