The Presence...

by Hellon   Sep 11, 2013


Alley cats howling...sensing fear
hackles up, evil is near
darkness cloaking silent night
waiting patiently, out of sight
...The Presence...

Victim approaches, unaware of her doom
evil lurking in shadows of gloom
high heels echo on wet cobblestones
hands of death choke lovely bones
...The Presence...

One chilling scream, then no more
another life over, once less wh**e
to rid the world of such scum
is his mission as he roams each slum
...The Presence...

Mutilation reflecting in bloodshot eyes
excitement sought in dying cries
blood trickling from lifeless veins
another body found in storm drain
...The Presence...

@Hellon 11th September 2013

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, I don't think I have ever read a dark poem from you, not that I can remember anyway.

    Your wording here was really powerful, really descriptive and eerie which fits in with the whole theme of the poem. The pace is really fast also which makes sense given that he is moving fast in his actions also.

    My only suggestion would be the punctuation again, I would just add in some commas to break it up more for the reader so they know where you intended the pause to be.

    I see the comment below about JTR, but I did not get this as my thought when I read it myself, I got a victim being stalked by an abuser/killer, and a real sense of their fear and panic while the criminal had a real sense of power and control, a need to cause this pain and terror on people.

    Very chilling work. I love the title, it can really be put into anything, it could even be portrayed as a metaphor for the presence of an illness, or mental health illness such as depression, paranoia etc and how someone feels it is controlling them and putting false beliefs inside their head.

    Anyway, nice work.

  • 11 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Very chilling take on Jack the Ripper.
    By abstracting him you make him more fearsome: "The Presence."
    In a sense you are being true to history, since the debate continues as to his true identity, and thus his appearance, personality, motivation and method of selection of his victims must all be surmised from the gruesome nature of his "work."

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