I've been reading this piece since a while, and I'm not sure what it is, but I am convince that it will benefit more if you wrote it like a letter style rather than breaking it into stanzas.
And also filling in a little bit more info into a few parts to connect each of the stanzas.

You have some pretty good lines, I do think a few edits will make this piece stand out. My favorite part for some reason was the "try, try, try the mountains" and a few others from each stanza. :P

This part though:

I will not always be on my own,
my words won't always be jammed
with metal,

^ I'm a bit lost on this part, specially on the metal part... could you elaborate a little more? I mean try to connect it with the previous stanza someway or another.

Other than that, I really think this piece has potential.