Why is it I feel like I'm losing you when I never even had you?
Why is it I cry for you when there isn't anything to cry for or about?
Why is it I lose sleep because of you when all I want to do is dream of you?
Why is it I am heartbroken when we never were?
Why is it I had so much hope for the future when it's forbidden anyway?
Unrequited love is so confusing..
Feelings that are there but aren't since the person never was..
It's falling in love with someone who exists in a non-existent world.
I fell in love.
With a man.
A man so smart.
A man so wise.
So deep.
He understands everything about me.
He understands what I want.
What I need.
He makes me laugh and I make him laugh.
He listens as I speak and I listen as he speaks.
He knows when to talk and when to be quiet.
He makes me happy and I make him smile.
He gives me hope and I give him hope.
I give him my shoulder as he gives me his.
I love everything one could about another.
I love him mentally, physically.
I love his walk, his smile, his lips, his style, his eyes, his legs, his arms, his nose, his hands, his teeth, his tattoos..
I love his mind, the way he thinks although mostly depressive and pessimistic;
It is realistic in his world and in mine.
His dreams, his pictures, his imagination, his fantasies.
I'm all a part of it but as a shadow.
As his conscious.
His old soul, is one we can hardly find anymore.
Chivalry is almost dead, but he helps keep it alive.
He inspires my mind and soul.
He loves me.
And I love him.
We love each other.
What we have is platonic love.
Although from my side, unrequited as well.
He taught me what unconditional love is.
To hope for the happiness for the other person even if I am not a part of it.
We are one, together.
Some would have said soulmates.
I sometimes saw him smile at me.
I sometimes saw him staring at me.
But very rarely.
And so far in the past.
I have to let that go.
The one person, the one man that completes me as a whole. Who would make all my dreams come true. Who would give meaning to the word 'life.'
I will let him go.
Why?!
Because he never existed.
He was a figment of my imagination.
He was a fantasy, a dream, a lullaby, a song, a story, a legend, a shadow, a picture, a painting, a warrior, a knight.
And how much it hurts to try to let something go that never existed.
But it has to be done.
I have to wake up now.
I have to realize what is real and what isn't there.
I'm tired and exhausted of wondering what could be and what could have been, and what is.
When the answer to it all is 'nothing.'
So here I am (or soon will be.)
Blackhearted, uncaring.
Unplatonic. No more unrequited.
Because what is the purpose of hanging on a thread or string that will eventually break and lead to nowhere.
So far, such beauty has led me to pain.
To black.
To hell.
To a place I don't want to be and shouldn't be.
So why love you, if you're nonexistent and it's considered wrong.
Love should never be wrong.
It is the strongest I've ever felt.
Where I didn't care for anything but your happiness.
And I could go on.
But if I do I'm hurting you. Not only you but many others.
Including myself.
So to stop hurting you. I will let go.
I'm letting go.
And this will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.
Even if I can't stop looking at you, or smiling because of you, or getting weak in the knees.
I have to.
Let go of what we have.
Which is so pure and perfect.
Which lifts us both up.
Which keeps us motivated.
Letting go.
I will stop loving you the way that I do because I want to do what's right.
What's right for you.
So you can go on.
And now.
I will face reality.
So..
Hopefully..
Last time..
I love you.
