Feet become fireflies in the night
of hushing, rushing chaos, birds
remain as night stalkers,
while I reside
to flee from the moon,
for it urges me to sing
in the forest with my
ancestors.
Samhain memories become
a flame of passion, keeping
the beast at bay, before the
first dawning of light.
I nestle in comfort of October
keeping still within whispers,
running away with my love in dreams
of eternal sleep..
Feet become fireflies in the night
of hushing, rushing chaos, birds
remain as night stalkers,
while I reside
to flee from the moon,
for it urges me to sing
in the forest with my
ancestors.
- I got a bit confused as to what you meant in the beginning and stumbled over the first few lines, I think the problem is just the punctuation so I suggest the following:
Feet become fireflies in the night
of hushing, rushing chaos. Birds...
- I think it breaks the images up better as I felt the sentence didn't flow as one with the comma there, I got 2 separate messages but the comma implied it was still part of the same message.
Samhain memories become
a flame of passion, keeping
the beast at bay, before the
first dawning of light.
- the wording here is really dark and mysterious, yet at the same time, there is a sense of comfort that peace has been stored until dawn?
I nestle in comfort of October
keeping still within whispers,
running away with my love in dreams
of eternal sleep..
- I would add in the before comfort, the comfort of October and also add in a comma after October.
A very sad tone to end with, like the only peace you can imagine is that of death. It really does imply about mental health and how deep the pain can be and how much it can consume us.
nicely written poem, and a unique take on the title.