Did you write this all in one sitting? Dang girl. This is beautiful and open as your poetry is. It shows that determination to do something about loving yourself and being able to be loved. Also expresses your struggle because you are trying, and going back and forth with your thoughts. Lots of emotion here and I could relate with the parts about wanting to put yourself out there in the world, then wanting to change physical/ personality related aspects to see if that would change anything. Don't worry, love will come.....

Take care!