In the room

by Mark tipton   Sep 26, 2013


Five or six months ago I don't really know
I met this beautiful girl I really liked so
When I talked to her I could not help but see
Here is a girl that makes me feel free
Free of all the pain that I could not forget
Spending time with her is something I could never reget
But last her heart belonged to somebody else
So I kept it inside all to myself
Quickly she was gone as fast as the wind
Me not really knowing if I will see her again
Not hearing her voice
Not seeing her smile
Me not feeling that happy oh not for awhile
All I could see ahead of me was a life full of gloom
Until that day at brads
you walked in the room

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Colm

    I think this is a decent effort for a first poem. The rhyme isnt great at the beginning or end but works quite well in the middle of the poem. Remember poems dont have to rhyme so dont force it and try without rhyme to experiment.

    Also I think there is some punctuation needed. Read the poem aloud and try to see where commas etc should go naturally.

    You did achieve a nice lyrical quality at times in the poem.

    Keep working at it

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