Pills Won't Numb My Pain Completely

I dint wanna be alone tonight
It makes me even more depressed
Now that you are no longer in sight
Loneliness makes me stressed

I hate feeling this damn way
This depression is killing me inside
And Every night to God I pray
That this wont be the day I die

I hold the blade in my hand
I wanna use it again and again
But god please understand
I dint want my life to end

I just want my pain to ease
Cause my heart hurts within
I wanna be able to breathe
And To feel alive in my skin

Dint wanna think about you
Cause it wont mend my heart
I wish i could just buy a new
Every time it breaks apart

5 times when i was younger
I tried to commit suicide
Somehow it made me stronger
Every time a you told me a lie

I take pills to numb myself
But the pain seems to return
I know i need something else
Cause it cant stop the burn

My veins and blood is burning
I need help before its too late
I thought life was about learning
But all i know is how to hate

I HATE myself more each day
I dint want people to see me
Why cant they just look away
I know They starer at me in pity

Once i was thinner than thin
People looked up to me then
I felt perfect in my own skin
Wish i looked like that again

Now clothes dint fit me anymore
Shopping makes me so damn sad
That is why my sad self adore
Carving words of hate in my fat

but tonight i put the blade away
Writing a poem helped me through
And tomorrow is another day
To hate myself because of you!