Crimson, Broken Lines

Very well written.

First thing I noticed when reading this, is the format. I really enjoyed how at ease I felt, although this poem is sad, there is almost this calm to your thoughts as you try to place them. Anyway, it flowed beautifully to me.

"You describe my existence
by creating
a Still Life painting-
A man standing
by the bridge
embellished with
his foolish poetries."

- Captivating opening. I never came across poetry being plural, at least not that I recall. It seems this painting of the man reveals him as someone who is just trying to show the world what his life is made of.

"That night,
you told me
that poetry
will never be an art
if it is made by me."

- Adore these lines! In so few words you mold this relationship as well as insight this person is giving you. It seemed not cruel, but harsh in way, that you can not create your own poetry because it won't be considered art. Maybe it will be considered something foolish like the man's because you did have to experiment with it to find out what you liked.

"I'm sorry
if all that
I could only do
is to write a poem
about Azaleas
and how
I want to be with you."

- This makes me think of a close friend, brother, or companion. It also gives me the feeling that this person feels aged, telling you not to bother writing your own words straight from your heart, because there won't be any actions coming out of that. I also admire how you connected this with your other poem of the Azaleas. That want to be with the person is so humbling here.

"I'm sorry
if I spilled at
your one-colored canvas
filled with blue
this dull color.
I know how much
you hate this color.
(Especially its 50th shade)"

- Should "spilled at" be "spilled on"? Sounds a bit awkward. Otherwise, good specific here. It gives the poem even more of a personal touch as well as the reader a taste that you both know each other's preferences, even of the little, trivial things.

"But don't you know
that your eyes
are like the sky?

They're Crimson."

- This is well-crafted in my opinion, in regards to having those two words (they're crimson) on a separate line. It highlights the contrast, that dark twist that it isn't this everyday blue, but something deeper. It also makes me think you're holding something back, maybe anger or resentment, or a respect? I'm not sure. I just know crimson could be taken in many ways.

"Your eyes scribbled
promises in my eyes.
And I will always remember
the broken lines,
the blurred dreams,
and the sky of serenity
that we painted
in our hearts."

- Next line I can sense that pain you're expressing. It's this soft remembrance of this person, like it wasn't directly his/her fault, but it was this sad approach at trying out promises that wouldn't work in the end. Not like someone flat out lied to you. I love the way in which you expressed this.

"One day,
I will try so hard
to make my poetry
write away
the Crimson in your eyes."

- The "so" isn't needed here in my opinion, it breaks the flow a bit. This is a touching and essential part in this poem that gives me that fullness of emotion. It is really heart-warming because you care for this person on the level that you never want to see that darkness, despair, hopelessness ever cross their eyes again. No matter for how long.

"You will then make
a Still Life painting-
A man standing
by the bridge
embellished with
his poetries
that make you
see the reason
why we love
to paint broken lines
in our hearts.
(And that is
to connect
my poetry
to your painting.)"

- Wow, there's just something about this piece that makes me think: eloquent. I like how you took what you wrote in the beginning, wove it into those final lines without it being repetitive or insignificant. You are now speaking of how that man was painted by your companion, how life has come to this moment, how sometimes we try and try yet may not find the right path yet. So much depth here, I am glad I could read this.

Take care.