Will there be a place for me or you?

by Saerelune   Oct 3, 2013


I ask you, because there was no one else to enlighten me.

Will you come to me, like a gust of wind,
will you come in colours or shapes I've never seen?
I've waited so long, the quivering of my telephone,
the taste of something new, courses I've never known.

There must be a place for you in my life,
after washing the dishes, or perhaps before sunrise.
I need you to expose yourself to me, if only as easily
as the books I ought to read, the dreams I fought to see.

I want you, because there was no one else to fix me.

Will I stay broken, a vodka bottle without content?
Will I struggle for lips to kiss me, as the sun plans its descent?
All I ask is for you to make place for me, as I've done for you.
All I ask is you, happiness, to spend the night with me.

03-10-2013
7:25 PM

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  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    I quite enjoyed this poem, and found the author managed to write about something that touches the hearts of many and though the content of the poem itself was bittersweet, they wrote it in a very enjoyable way for the reader. I especially liked the opening line as it left the reader questioning exactly what has been asked here.
    The first two lines of the last stanza were shaky as the others had a fixed rhyme scheme and it abruptly disappeared here only to return in the next two, and I found the first two lines of the second stanza to have a somewhat shaky flow with the rhyming, whereas the rest flowed wonderfully.
    The last line makes me wonder if the author is talking to happiness itself, is she for some reason unhappy? Or if she is talking to a person that could be the one to bring her happiness; an unrequited love perhaps? And I thought this was a fine way to close as it leaves room for the reader to wonder and interpret freely.

  • 10 years ago

    by Britt

    Judging comment:

    The title really pulled me in here -- I had to have the question answered. I don't think this was intentional, but the writer placed a soft rhyme on the last two lines of the first two stanzas, and I thought it was a nice play to the piece. Too much rhyme can take away from content, but it seems like this wasn't on purpose, therefore couldn't draw from the message at all. This poem is almost vent-like, very vulnerable and I love that. Again this author creates SO MANY images in her poetry that it just blows my mind -- it's so interesting and really paints a picture. The whole poem has such a sad, sad feel, but a twinge of hope as well. Beautifully done!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Can't comment on a favorite part because this whole poem was such a thoughtful, open piece that tells where you are at now in life. I loved the specifics that expressed the deep questioning and wonder. It also seemed to me like this part of your heart you are now understanding, and giving to another person who you've cared for now. You have done what you could, expressing this need for a new start, for fresh perspectives and to travels ways you never knew before... you are waiting for this response, whatever gesture it may be.

    Enjoyed this, hope you're doing well!

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