My Manila Prince

I loved this title and it made the poem more amazing. Great write

What really enticed me right away was the title.... the only reference I myself know of "manila" is for a manila envelope. So I googled this and found out that Manila is the capital and largest city of the Philippines. I guessed you were from there then saw on your profile you are.

I love the ease of this piece and your consistent structure, how each word flows into the next. There were just a few places I believe could be worked on for adding punctuation and making sure your thoughts are being understood.

"To know that
Manila cannot hold
those Paris stars
and that Paris
will not let
my dreams glitter
underneath its sky,
I have known
how it feels
to dance under
the Manila sky
where my dreams
will always be
coloured ornately."

- Okay two things.
1) When you begin your stanza with "to know that", you never finish that thought. With regards to the word structure it should read something like "to know that........ saddens me" or any other verb.

2) I like how "in touch" and personal you get here. Speaking of Paris then Manila as if they are both a part of you. They are both cities I have never been to, yet I feel this yearning in you. It makes me think you visited Paris prior to living in Manila, and that there is a tangible distance. You feel you cannot expand these dreams under Manila's sky. Beautifully expressed here.

"You keep believing
that the reason
why a tower
that is named after
Gustave Eiffel
stood formidably
in the city
where your reveries
are hidden
is for you
to make promises
under its stars."

- Fourth line: You need punctuation here. There are certain natural pauses that one takes due to the fact you are writing a longer line. Either shorten it or put in commas, otherwise, it's too long and doesn't make as much sense. It's too long-winded.

Love the use of "reveries" near the end and that actual inclusion of the founder of that iconic tower. It reminded me of how universal that symbol is, yet how I never imagined a character contemplating its reason for being there- its purpose.

"For eight hours,
I kept re-reading
the phrases
that you left written
at the doorstep
of our house
that morning-
hoping that
those phrases
would be enough
to let me know
that every Manila star
would embrace me
at twilight.
(But I did not find
their embrace...
instead, your farewell
has reached me
that twilight)"

- I feel you have too many "that's" here; it almost makes it complicated to read.

"For eight hours,
I kept re-reading
the phrases
that you left written
at the doorstep"

- Do you need to say "left written"? I think it is implied since you say they are letter.

Also, the "that" at the ending line almost makes it more impersonal. It also appears you shift tenses. "has reached me that night", present then saying "that night" means in the past. You could say "your farewell reached me at twilight" or change to present depending on if it's one night or many times you are reliving this goodbye.

"No matter
how days stir
my fate
that is tied
to this place
and yours
that is caged in Paris,
you'll always
be the one
who loves Paris
more than
this place."

- Intriguing thought and good tie-in with Paris as well. It is the preferred city, like there is an unfinished dream waiting there. I actually think your usage of "that" is important here and significant in conveying the difference between where your fate is and where this person's fate is.

"I'm sorry
that Manila
cannot hide
your reveries
for its palms
are too tiny
to be your throne,

My Manila Prince."

- Great ending! That hint of sorrow and sympathy, as well as maybe a tone of bitterness? I'm not sure. I got the feel at the end that this person either dreamed so much that you believed it clouded their reality (for you were the realist)... or that they didn't want to give this city a chance.

Unique piece, thanks for sharing