by PorcelainMoon Oct 20, 2013
category :
Love, romance /
lost love
Hangover from your kiss, the sweetest smiles still aren't yours. Pavement roads moving a heavy load, my consciousness blows out the exhaust like a burning cigarette. Windy nights in a warm room, your body tastes like a salty wound, making me miss the pain. I'll never forget how you made me feel so alone. |
by Colm
I think this poem has promise, it just needs to be structured properly into stanzas. Also, the rhyme got a little forced near the end: there is no need for the poem to rhyme so much, the rhyme was more subtle and therefore effective in the first verse. But definitely, there is some sense of potential in this poem as the wording is quite accomplished and the images are interesting. Keep it up |