I believe you are talking about the scars you hold inside. Seeing this person hurts you more then anything else could I think. And sadly I think a lot of people have that one person who we feel that way about. The second stanza really starts the story as whoever this person is this hurt you in such a way that you can't give your heart away anymore. Through the first two stanzas I get the tone of darkness really. You are scared for your life. Great start though because you sucked the reader in at least me and you make me want to keep reading to see what happens.

I love the use the dialogue in the third stanza it makes the feel of the poem more real and also eerie. You sucked me in with the imagery. I love the pretending to be asleep line because you don't want to know what is happening at all. Like you said in the brackets you dont to know what is happening. I hate being scared and in denial. Though I agree with you why would you want to see what is happening? Silence is sometimes good and bad. Here it is very scary because though you hurt you judge yourself. You are very brave to tell yourstory. Anyway. This is a very sad write and great.

Oh, Saffie... you know I love breaking down your poems, but I'm just going to give you a general comment with a few highlights and how I interpret this.

Basically, you blame yourself from staying quiet all these years and it haunts you. You can't forgive yourself at all even though none of it was your fault, not one single thing. You judge yourself based on your past and relive these nightmares everyday.

Just know that I know you are strong, Saffie. You are an amazing woman with such a God given talent for expressing yourself in such heartwrenching, beautiful poetry. <3