I don't want to die

I don't want to be dead.
I want to not have to lie about how my day went.
I don't want to feel intimidated by every human that I come in contact with.
I want to smile.
I want to laugh.

I want to feel the happiness that's painted on the faces on everyone around me.
I want to be normal.
I don't want to feel worthless.

I want to be more than I am.
I don't want to bother not hurt anyone.
I'd rather not deal with regret.

I don't want to disappoint anyone.
I want to be the girl my family deserves.
I want to do the right thing.

I don't want to die
but to have any of this accomplished
It seems to be the only solution.

If a coward is what this seems to be, then a coward I must be.