Home.

Tonight, I have been searching for wedding dresses on a computer screen that has stayed up too late, for I don't know how long I can gaze before time will start to sleep.

I've thought about it a thousand times yet still can't fathom the feeling. The feeling of being free, finally having someone I can entrust all my fears to. I've been hiding, telling God I'm a hopeless cause. I had a chance to make things right yet never did.

There is every kind of flower imaginable. Words of life and spirit drape over our hands. Ivory, a black suit, my parents in the front pew. We are at St. Pat's, the church less than half a mile from my house and my true 'second home'.

Everyone I love is there, my second family in the choir loft as they share their hearts through organ hymns and celestial voices.

Maybe everyone will know that I was unsure of myself. But now, I have a destination.

You will make a beautiful anything, he would say to me. You are already a form of beautiful no one has ever created before... even God's heart is smiling because he knows you are light, his light. You just felt you could not be fixed. But you are good. This desire to be whole has kept you away from realizing you are beloved.

What I've dreamt, what I'm dreaming, what I will always dream of. I am no longer believing love will purposefully avoid me at the curb, while I wait for someone to lead me home.

(You are my new home).

-
Freewrite.
Written 11/03/13 @ 10:21 PM