Losing The Race

Beginning: I've always said that never worry about a person if they are screaming at you, worry when they're silent. Silent speaks louder because it shows that the person is beginning to give up, they feel like they don't have a voice and that no one will listen anyway. I sense that in your opening. I like the mention of Winter, it showcases that need for warmth, that need for someone to listen even though you don't ask for it.

I like the metaphor for your thoughts racing! Never would have thought of using a race track and you being the one that people bet to lose. Very heartbreaking imagery there.

Middle: You begin to feel unsure of yourself. You continue to ask yourself who, what, when, where about your life. You lose sight of the finish line, you can't see a future and where it will lead you.

The past and present continue to bombard you with images and reality and you are unsure if you can handle it. Your eyes hurt from crying so much, it's hard to even keep them open. I know that pain... tears are like salted lava.

Ending: No matter how upset you become, you stay silent, almost like your feelings are a burden. Nicely ended there.

Love your writing so much, Saffie!

First- you set the tone very well here. Again I love the use of winter here as it is that time of year. Sadness seems to be heightened and it's no different here. I love how you say tear drops clutch your heart. You make it seem so real here like your heart has a life or it's own "heart" of it's own. Memories race around your head. I like this as well because I can imagine how much hurt you are going through. No one truly knows how much you are going through at all. When we are depressed we do lose sight of who we are.

Second- I like the use of past present and future. The past and present can always merge together if you let them. But I know how hard it is to heal fully. There are many reasons why our past can haunt us though. Sometimes grieving is so very hard to do alone and it seems nearly impossible actually. As I said I also like the use of future. It seems when you are "hopeless" you seem to never think about the future at all. Your eyes burn... maybe from tears? It would make sense and flow with the tone of the poem.

Ending- I like the way you ended this. Emotions are extremely powerful when they take over your heart andmmind. Just remember the say "silence is the most powerful scream". So silence in my mind sets the tone of the poem as well. It says how much sadness you hold inside. Anyway as usual this is a very good poem overall. I think this is also very unique and written well. !