I know a pretty boy that says all the right things, that answers to my every need with a punching line, and everytime we speak I wonder whether its a conversation or a poem.
Boy that says everything I ever wanted men to say; but he don't want me at all and I'm okay with that.
I'd like to say I've been needing someone like him, but truth is I just asked the universe for it. I remember that night. I told God: "big guy, I feel so damn alone please do something"
I don't bite my tongue when I speak to God you see, I know he doesn't judge my ugly use of language, he bloody knows life ain't pretty always.
I have too many bad vices for a 20-year-old. I don't know where I learned to be so hard on myself but I'm really good at it, a queen in the game of letting negativity over take me, Got a masters degree in breaking my own heart.
I tell pretty boy all my stories, I share with him my thoughts and he says things like "you're always so full of sense it makes me want to rip your clothes of"
and I'd be lying if I didn't admit
that they were nights I've stayed up wishing he did. but pretty boy is grown, has control, has morals-
I'm uncomfortable in my own skin.
Its a fact I don't have to state-
That's why I only want love without
carnal needs, and I only try to reach people through facebook statuses.
It seems like I'm everywhere,
but I only leave my room if the company is worth more than my loneliness.
I don't want parasites around,
people rubbing their bad habits on me
throwing emotional baggage on me
Seems everyone keeps trying to make a home out of me,
but they are no windows here
no open doors here
I share everything through the cracks
but don't think I'll let you in.
I'm sorry I'm so selfish, I'm sorry I'm just only full of wants, and not needs. Sorry For the way I only know how to give love, but never take it.
Sorry for being so sorry,
Its just I see people for what they are now, fairy tales I once believed in,
but i don't anymore.
