I sat there and shook,
No one there to see
As I rose from my bed in search
For another piece of metal,
The kiss of the blade
Promising a release no one
Could ever give me.
Whatever conversations I had,
They were empty, careless,
And shrouded in lies that took a toll
On my glass heart;
I needed a way to rid myself
Of the emotional and mental pain.
I found another razor gleaming in the cabinet
Above the sink in my pale bathroom,
I took it out of the package and smiled
So softly at it, a promise of a more tolerable pain
On my horizon; I took it back to my room
And closed the heavy door softly
As to not alert the household of my being awake.
I sat on my bed and stared at it for hours,
Weighing the pros and cons of another cut;
My mind in a swarm of chaotic thoughts
And meaningless hopes of a better night.
I look to see if anyone has responded to my message,
All that I receive is another empty lie and a small,
Half-hearted answer;
My anger boiling over as I throw my phone
Across the room, a fierce growl escaping my lips.
In that moment, I raise my pant leg and take a deep breath
As I press the razor deep into my thigh,
Dragging it across slow and hard,
Gasping as the heat flooded through me as my blood
Oozed out of another cut,
A pain that I can tolerate,
A pain that I understand,
And a pain that is solely physical;
One that cannot break my heart.
