Comments : BEYOND COMFORT ZONE

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is a pretty good poem here. I do like the message you bring here. I like the emotions too. I think what youare saying is that you feel like it's time for you to move on to the next part of your life because everything is the same. That's why I like the title as well. You sometimes have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I like the wording you used here as well. It seems like you are making yourself go mad and the window is your sanity. Then you just decide to leave and live your life. I like this because we all have felt like this and it's based in reality. Great little write here

  • 10 years ago

    by JaneDoeWrites

    "Pacing back and forth on same concrete floors
    Familiarity lingers every single day,
    Claiming a safety house inside this space,"

    I love how you introduce us into this strongly. It shows that you're used to this place and you have this habit of pacing around there. I was thrown off by "claiming a safety house" though. It might make more sense for the reader if it were "claiming to be a safe house or "the illusion of a safe house" here.

    "Dread weaving turmoil in my head.
    But curiosity opposing to one's fear,
    What lies beyond these walls?"

    I love how you express that your dread creates more negative thoughts. It fuels your turmoil. I think the punctuation could be tweaked some by adding a comma behind head and a period after fear. This draws more attention to the question there at the end.

    "Upon windowing the outside view
    Flattering sight came into me
    Taking a few steps outside won't hurt,"

    You seem to be trapped in this place, looking at the outside world through a window. Perhaps your fear keeps you inside although you think of leaving. I got hung up on the use of "windowing" because I'm not sure it is a real word. I do see how you tried to use it as looking through a window but maybe you can alter that a bit to make it clearer to the reader. Also, I think a period after me is needed to break up the sentences.

    "Created little sanctuary I must conquer
    It's time to venture out, explore.
    'Coz I know crossing a little where my life begins."

    We see now that you created this sanctuary for yourself, somewhere you could be safe but now it's turned into some type of prison because you never leave. You are ready to cut those ties and go out and live your life. Maybe you meant to write the last line "'Coz I know a little crossing where my life begins." It seems much more fitting and understandable.

    Good write with some minor improvements, dear. Glad to read some of your work! 4.7/5