Better?

This is f------ awesome nicely done

To begin this comment I am going to play with structure and grammar along the way so be warned and dont kill me killer. I love ya.

People are blind (try blind - or blind,)
are naive.
I guess I take advantage
of that in people.
(I guess I take advantage
of people that way?)

I don't know hun, this stanza just needs punctuation or better wording in order to stand out and grip people the way most decent or even well done poems do. Right now it seems like this is worthless even to you and no one would really want to read something even the author finds worthless. (SO Sorry!)

I lie and tell them
that I'm getting better.
With a smile
and a laugh,
everyone
believes me...
or even empty line after everyone and then believes me. That might give this stanza more of the power it seems to crave.

They only look skin deep
and see what they want,
a smiling(,) happy girl
who has gotten all her
shit together again.

They never see
what lies beneath.
They're blind
to the torture I am in. (I endure? I survive?) again wording here is a little odd...

"I'm so much better."

Better?
I wouldn't identify better as
being too numb to cry
and wanting to scream
until I'm hoarse.

Feeling like I'm trapped
inside my (own) mind
merely watching what goes on,
that doesn't seem like

"better."

Again just trying, you can ignore it if you like.

In truth,
I'm so much worse
than I have ever been.
I hit rock bottom
a few months ago,
now I'm buried
in the rocks
at the (very) bottom...

Okay, so other than style/grammar stuffs which I've just given my suggestion on (you know you can ignore me, but you also know its my ocd factor lol) this is an amazing, heartrending piece. And it's really awful that I know this is how you are feeling and I know that you won't come to me for help, you won't go to anyone. And so many people care about you. But even if you did, you would not tell them the full story either. You are like your mom in that aspect. Anyway, thank God for poetry or you would be bottling all this up and killing yourself. So heres what I have to say, if you need help, you have megan, rhianan, and I. If you have something to say, write. The piece blew me away and even I related to it. (we've always been alike that way, still scares me a bit :P ) cheer up sweetie.

Lovely write (y'know, without the love)

To begin this comment I am going to play with structure and grammar along the way so be warned and dont kill me killer. I love ya.

People are blind (try blind - or blind,)
are naive.
I guess I take advantage
of that in people.
(I guess I take advantage
of people that way?)

I don't know hun, this stanza just needs punctuation or better wording in order to stand out and grip people the way most decent or even well done poems do. Right now it seems like this is worthless even to you and no one would really want to read something even the author finds worthless. (SO Sorry!)

I lie and tell them
that I'm getting better.
With a smile
and a laugh,
everyone
believes me...
or even empty line after everyone and then believes me. That might give this stanza more of the power it seems to crave.

They only look skin deep
and see what they want,
a smiling(,) happy girl
who has gotten all her
shit together again.

They never see
what lies beneath.
They're blind
to the torture I am in. (I endure? I survive?) again wording here is a little odd...

"I'm so much better."

Better?
I wouldn't identify better as
being too numb to cry
and wanting to scream
until I'm hoarse.

Feeling like I'm trapped
inside my (own) mind
merely watching what goes on,
that doesn't seem like

"better."

Again just trying, you can ignore it if you like.

In truth,
I'm so much worse
than I have ever been.
I hit rock bottom
a few months ago,
now I'm buried
in the rocks
at the (very) bottom...

Okay, so other than style/grammar stuffs which I've just given my suggestion on (you know you can ignore me, but you also know its my ocd factor lol) this is an amazing, heartrending piece. And it's really awful that I know this is how you are feeling and I know that you won't come to me for help, you won't go to anyone. And so many people care about you. But even if you did, you would not tell them the full story either. You are like your mom in that aspect. Anyway, thank God for poetry or you would be bottling all this up and killing yourself. So heres what I have to say, if you need help, you have megan, rhianan, and I. If you have something to say, write. The piece blew me away and even I related to it. (we've always been alike that way, still scares me a bit :P ) cheer up sweetie.

Lovely write (y'know, without the love)