Starving For Your Love

I think it's alright for lyrics to a song, but there are a few instances where I feel that the word choice doesn't quite match the tone.

"The sun obliterates the cold
But I'm starving for your love"

I feel that "obliterates" was a poor choice because the goal of the first stanza seems to be to expose the duality of your admiration of nature and the satisfaction you get from it, yet the deep pain you get from being unable to satisfy your desire for love (as evidenced by the habitual use of "but"). I think that to adequately show the conflict of satisfaction of nature v. desire of love, softer words would be more appropriate in describing the beauty you find in nature. Harsh words like "obliterate" seem excessive, particularly in poetry.

Otherwise, I feel like, for a poem, the repetitive use of "I'm starving for your love," doesn't fit. And irrespective of this being originally lyrics, you presumably posted this because you wrote it with the intention of it being a poem as well as lyrics to a song.

That being said, poetry only involves words, so the descriptive element of music isn't present and thus the song would be based not only on the lyrics, but on the tone of the song itself. In this scenario, the word choice could be more appropriate.

Since modern-era vocal songs are nearly always consistent in tone (with exception to records made by artists like Captain Beefheart), the contrast of a harsh word and a soft word would seem out of place if the overarching sound of the song is consistently abrasive/angry/upset.

Anyways, I really liked the theme and I love all the other poems I've read by you, and I look forward to reading any further stuff you write. I'm new to this website, so I have yet to post any poems that I've written over the past few years of which there are a decent number. But irrespective of my lack of experience with this website, I feel it's beneficial to give honest criticism on people's work, not to provoke change necessarily, but just to simply introduce new perspectives that, if valid, may provoke the aforementioned change. However, I do not give and shy away from receiving, my principles of criticism are based off of my own desire to be criticized with the utmost detail in order to evolve any work I put out and expand my perspective as a writer. I'm not giving this a rating because I believe a general 1-5 rating system doesn't have the power of actual words and puts an irrelevant and mechanical system of measure on something as indescribable and free-flowing as art/poetry.