Underneath Every Smile

When the burning orange in the sky self-extinguishes
I feel an anxiousness creep in from the shadow of my demons grin.
From corner to corner, that sole glow illuminates my manic mind
while I clumsily try to draw on strength from a pen with where the ink has dried.

Stumble beyond the city limits and let the lamp posts scorch my eyes,
a girl with pocketed hands tight-rope walking a tri-city skyline
to bang on the doctors door until blood splatters my shirt
in hopes to get a medication that'll put a stop to all this hurt.

Wrestling with my restlessness, binging on benzos,
desperately trying to bridge the gap between emptiness and being whole.
What a lone road it is when you're on the path to self-discovery
as you relapse on paranoia and have to circle back to a recovery.

Suicide isn't so far fetched when I've so long had my arms stretched,
wondering why, if there was a God why he hasn't come to try and save me yet?
"Miserable at best" a term that grips my very being
while a new sun rises but my sullen eyes are too fogged to see it.

I can feel the warmth from the sunlight start to thaw off the frostbite
from the thousand winters I just experienced within the 8 hours of my last night,
and deny the effects, the toll the body takes from that kind of weather
but somehow again still manage the thought "tomorrow might be better".

**A/N: For anyone suffering from GAD, PTSD, Manic Depression or Bipolar Disorder, you are not alone in the fight <3**