When I kill myself it will be spectacular
I will not go quietly.
No slipping away of life-blood,
No falling into a peaceful sleep.
I will ride through the gates of hell
On a firework -
A lit rocket, leaving a trail of stars
I will meet the devil with scars
That spell out how wonderful
Life, my life, was,
Until it wasn't.
I shan't write a note
Listing my failures, my abusers
I won't leave a trail of blame
Or accusations
I will draw you a masterpiece
From my insides,
Paint blood letters ten feet high
On the walls of my room,
Write poetry on your doors
Whilst you sleep,
Hide jokes in your sock drawer -
I will leave you more than tears.
Instructions to celebrate,
To have a party, booze's on me
A legacy of cheap vodka
And homemade cocktails
My funeral will be the
Must attend event of the year -
Fancy dress, glitter mandatory,
Suffer my music taste one more time
And eat birthday cake for breakfast,
I am not dead. I'm in your laugh
I'm f---ing in the bathroom and
I'm not sorry anymore.
When I kill myself it will
Be spectacular. I'll dance to death
On sorrow. But today I'm living,
Thinking about tomorrow.
