Self esteem

I despise myself,
Because of the way I look,
Long legs, a big bum and a flat chest isn't the greatest hook,
I hide myself on many different angles,
Due to my appearance, brackets and makeup still leaves this body mangled.
I wallow in these thoughts of sorrow and despair,
If only the way I looked could be judged by the colour of my hair.
I weigh up the negatives, yet they still outweigh the positives,
If only I could class myself and the way I look as a derogate.
I look a little further and I still see no positives,
I'm not saying this for sympathy, it's just a little bit of honesty.
I can't even look at my hands anymore because they've come back to haunt me,
I held a firm grip of a blade in them to let it just destroy me,
In hope that after every harm done it would leave me with something beautiful yet to be.
But no matter how scarred I am there's still this little voice inside of me.
I regret ever taking to my own skin,
I think self harm should be a crime, not a fkn sin.
Selfmutilation isn't a pretty sight,
Nor is it an easy regret left to hide.
If I could go back in time I'd surely change or delete that part,
But this is why we're left stuck in a mindset of the 'past'.
There comes a time when you can't do anything but move on,
And swallow that hatred for yourself and forgive the wrong that you have done.
It's not an easy way out, or an escape from all things bad,
It's a reminder that each & everyday you wished for something you never had.