Morning Write part 532835

Well ofcourse it is exhausting,
the constant smiling, telling nobody
about the way you wrestled with
the sadness this morning until you knocked
it down and could get up.

Struggling to say yes to being with people,
and when you do the sense of not belonging
that after a couple hours suffocates you

invent a lame excuse and say you must leave.
You do admit to be sad sometimes,
but never go in depth,
you don't let the empty roll out of your mouth.

Gosh, don't talk about the way fear
asked you to dance that one night
and the human in you gave in only to find out it intended to kidnap you.

but you put your clothes on,
you put the make up on
you step into the car and tell
everyone you greet to have a beautiful day.
You're not allowed to play it small, there's no comfort. you keep your head up but your heart's in pieces.