Heart broken

I'm still alive,
My heart still beats
And my lungs still taste air.
But it's not the same

I'm still here,
My eyes open at dawn
And close at dusk.
But it doesn't feel real.

I'm still smiling,
I laugh with joy
At the blessing I've been given.
But it's all empty.

I'm still struggling,
I won't give up hope,
Not until all hope has been lost.
But it's terrifying.

I needed to grow?
Gain independence?
Stop crying? Man up?
Well it's happened.

Maybe all I needed
Was a kick in the ass.
I've changed. Everything
Nothing will penetrate my skin.

When all is said and done though,
The fact still remains.
I love you.
I miss you
This hurts