Say Something

How sweet and amazing...this caught my heart ..
I wanted this year
to be the year I'd decipher the hyroglyphics
coated on my cave-heart.

goodwork done

I wanted to see the you the way
you see yourself in the mornings, without
makeup, half asleep. Listen to you singing
in the car on the way to work when there's only
radio waves for company. I wanted this year
to be the year I'd decipher the hyroglyphics
coated on my cave-heart.
I wanted to read the blood-stains of
my pen and see a different metaphor pan out
of the pages. To see my words reflected in
your eyes like a moonbeam on a frosty night.

^ From this part upward in the poem, it's beautiful and captivating. Your voice penetrates the readers and leaves them wanting to know more... However, (just my opinion) when you continued with the next part, it feels that something is missing. A moment perhaps? a but? or I'm not sure exactly what it is, perhaps a line break to separate them? or to leave a space between the two parts? may be no. (i'm not sure, so pardon my ramblings)

I couldn't bring myself to rip out the empty pages
of my spine-stiff journal. I couldn't
tear myself away long enough to see the me
unbecoming somebody else.

-- I first thought that this poem was written for someone - perhaps it is, but I feel this is mainly for poetry. I felt like someone was trying to write and get a reply from poetry, but seems like there was not much of a reply. Specially because there were still empty pages left. Perhaps, that's why I feel the gap in between those two parts that I mentioned. May be, the gap was intended, or who knows, may be the narrator wanted to write for his love. To figure out what his feelings were. I mean if only he knew this someone like she is... in her natural state, in her routines, to see if his words had an effect on her, may be he could figure out his heart or how exactly he felt for her but seems like....

well I'll keep that to myself

however, this line

I couldn't
tear myself away long enough to see the me
unbecoming somebody else.

^ I can't exactly explain what they tell me or how I interpreted them but they are really good. Overall, I'm glad this poem was posted under miscellaneous because there are many ways one can interpret it. My only I guess nit pick would be that I feel there is gap but that's just probably me.

Are you a Jeffrey McDaniel fan, if yes, then you've captured his talents well enough to have crafted a creative piece, like digging diamonds from the caves of your heart. If not, then it is still a compliment because I'm a fan of his. haha

Anyway, this is full of subtle emotion and similes that drips imagery where it has to be:

"I wanted this year
to be the year I'd decipher the hyroglyphics
coated on my cave-heart."

" I couldn't
tear myself away long enough to see the me
unbecoming somebody else."

^ just masterful lines.

Wonderful work and great job here.

Now where's the "like" button for that comment, Britt? Lol

Yeah these are random thoughts...but from a well-ordered mind! :)

I've always liked your poems, they are unique and creative and generally just stunning reads but this one makes all of those understatements. This is so completely simple but beyond beautiful. fantastic write