Further, will you look further into me?

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 2, 2014


I held a moonless night in my palms,
a night without parents, without care,
without a watchful eye.

It was hours before midnight yet
dark had descended like snow upon tipsy eyelids.
I bundled up, drawing a hat far down to walk
unnoticed. The streetlights made me appear as
a stranger who explores a land of nothingness
in hopes of uncaging
something.

I couldn't make my boots travel lighter
or my heart quiet itself; my breath was heavy
and my throat was anticipating a scream
that would not kill.

Crawling past the locked gate, onto the
top bleachers, my body began to freeze
while I sat and crumpled into the air
I guessed was around 14 degrees Fahrenheit.
Was this me dreaming? Prompting an unreality?
Could I really, as casually as speaking about
the weather, tell him without him being hurt?
I could never confess to anyone else or reveal
the horror lodged in my throat,
for it would break their hearts, something they could
never be at peace with.

These feelings kept egging me on until I ran
further away from clarity.
I had no one to push me from behind and shout
stop!

A quarter of a mile away from the road, I searched
for beaming car lights. Just see me, come near.
I fought numbness as I leaped from the
bleachers and stared the road straight in the eye;
my chest hugged the wire fence, attacking
it every few seconds while tears of rage
stumbled out of me.

I had the ability to destroy myself within
minutes, to pinpoint where exactly the river
would flow to...
finally, I could let emotion run free.

But in my mind you said, enough!
The past is a sun that has already burned,
its light moved you, whether into the future
or further back into what could have been done.

You must seek the horizon ahead for
there can be a new beginning at any moment.
It doesn't have to be New Year's Eve when
everyone's drinking Schnapps, carpooling
to bigger venues where there is heat and music
and spirit...

yet you return home, lifeless.

There can be something more than distrust,
than thinking we are enslaved to never speak
the truth or attack our timidity.

It's alright to have braved the snow and ice
without anyone knowing,
just to realize how much your tears need
to be seen by the light.

-
Written 1/02/14 @ 3:47 AM

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Wow. Just wow.

    I really don't know what I can say that will do justice to this, but here's my attempt!

    LOVE that first verse. The fact you mention you're holding a moonless night makes me think that the night sky is clear but your emotions are not (hence the night) And because you don't have anyone watching you, you're feeling alone and unwanted, unsure of how to move forward and clear up those emotions.

    Your next two lines reinforce my thoughts, because now it's almost like you're saying your eyes are dark and heavy from the negative emotions you are feeling.

    I love the mention of the hat being worn so you could cover your face and how you couldn't make your boots lighter-you couldn't but perhaps you wanted to, so you were even more 'invisible' to others?

    Your fourth verse moved me immensely...I can picture you sitting there alone, almost frozen to the bone but unable to move because you're weighed down figuratively, your hat still covering you from any potential passers by-maybe hiding the tears on your face?

    I'm surprised midway through this verse as up until now I had been assuming it was you hurting for reasons as of yet unknown, but now you suddenly insinuate you want to tell somebody something but are afraid of hurting them with your words-nice twist.

    "tears of rage" Love this! You have such a unique flair in your writing style, from what I've read so far I would assume you were crying because of hurt and not anger, which adds another twist.

    "You must seek the horizon ahead for
    there can be a new beginning at any moment.
    It doesn't have to be New Year's Eve "

    Hands down my favourite part. So many people focus on new year resolutions, on making their life better at the start of the new year...but why? If you truly want it, you will change your life immediately no matter what day it is.

    "just to realize how much your tears need
    to be seen by the light."

    I adore this part too. Too often we hide our tears but in reality, we need to stop hiding them and start letting them be sown. It's not weakness; it's human nature and much better for each individual emotionally and for their emotional health.

    I'm in awe at this...once again you have taken a topic and turned it into something truly beautiful and moving. Love it!

More Poems By Poet on the Piano