Contemptfull thoughts...

I saw you twirl and cry in pain,
And then I realised the irony of this insane,
And twisting, malevolent life we reign;
A pause I'd ask, to take and to give,
All the pain inside of our kin - I live,
With the horror, of being on the side with the good,
And living with the thought. of which that I could
be a better guy...

Oh, if only I was like Superman...
I'd travel back in time, If I can;
See through to put on a plan:
Turn down all evil, by force of will...
Only to acknowledge that I am nill,
In the eyes of those who I'd consider
friends- in their eyes I am litter.
Maybe I shouldn't sigh...

With much thought, I try to consider,
What my past means, and what the future will deliver.
And... wether or not I'll ever meet her;
The one I'd actually give my life for...
And the one, who I'd adore.
For as I grow older, in age and wisdom,
I gain foresight of a different freedom...
Equally built in honor.

After much thought, I have decided,
To write down my pains, carefully plotted,
In my subconscious, a silent mind, unthwarted.
I am old enough now, to do my plot,
As such that I am, an untamed mutt,
With a forcing need, to work neatly just,
And a mind with which I must,
Stand up... unlike a goner.

..It hurts to nod, and blindly stare..
To want a hug, simple, bare;
And to realise: They don't care...
It hurts to carve for a simple hug,
Especially when it feels like a drug.
I am like a sock: colorfull, rated,
As if my pain will never be sated.
An ever-chasing nightmare...

I've witnessed moments, all so cruel,
And moments when I've felt burnt of fuel...
So I conclude, that I was a fool.
But weren't we all fools in the past?
A wonder, they say, how time travels so fast...
From dust we became, and to dust we head,
It's a wonder, we aren't all dead.
We live life with mixed care.

Oh, how I wish life was a mere dream,
Something that would come to pass; a beam
of powerfull emotions, which could only seem.
Alas, I mustn't make it hurt,
For I must always stay alert.
My consciousness demands living,
And my aspirations ask for dreaming;
For a better future.

= This is my first poem, which I had wrote while plotting in which direction I wish to go in life. I took a hard decision on wether to share it or not, as it's a poem that says a lot about my past self. It carries memories, conclusions, emotions, thought, so much that I consider it as being a part of me. =